You know, it kind of pains me inside to see so many of my friends in happy relationships. But don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad that they’re happy and that they’re together; so perfect together. It gives me hope.
But at the same time, it hurts.
I want that so badly. But I don’t need it. I’d just prefer to be in someone’s company, giving me so much attention just for me. He wants me in his life and I want him in mine. It would be wonderful to have that.
I have no doubt in my mind that I will find someone perfect for me. Granted, it may take a while, years even. But that day will come. I have sooo much faith in that. Especially because my best friend, whom I would hang out with nearly every day of my life, has now found a boy who, oddly enough, I actually approve of (which isn’t very often), who do I call when I need to talk to someone?
My friends and I joke around and say that my best friend and I are like the same person. We say the same responses at the same time, think the exact same things, we pretty much are the same person. I’m not afraid of losing her. I’m just afraid that she’ll spend most of her time with him and prefer to hang with him than me. Granted, I know that she’ll spend a lot of her time with him. I don’t expect anything less.
If it’s a joke that we are the same person, why do I feel like a part of me is missing?
Ever since they got together, I don’t feel the same like I used to. Me not having a boyfriend, her getting one, me wanting one so badly but not willing to lower my standards (which I won’t)… everything just makes me want to cry.
It’ll take some time to get used to her spending the majority of the time with him. I want school to start, not just because I’m excited for my classes, but because I need a distraction.
I’m the kind of person who keeps most of his deep, inner problems to himself. If it were anybody else, I would share this with my best friend. But since it’s her, I really don’t have anyone to talk to. Or at least, I don’t feel like I do…
But like I said before, I’m not going to lower my standards just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I will wait to have the right person. I won’t waste my time with the immature fools in between.
I feel like crying. Normally, I would call her, meet up with her (she lives a few houses down), and cry on her shoulder.
Now I have no one’s shoulder to cry on.
Sometimes, you just gotta nap and get over it.
So good night, tumblr. I apologize for the rant.