Grindr. I fucking hate it. I’ll go through phases where I’ll download it and use it for a good month or two. Then I’ll get over it cause I feel shitty about it. I love the queer community but sometimes I get really frustrated with the gay community. There are so many stereotypes and listen, I’m not about one night stands or fuck buddies. I am so happy for those who are okay with that but I’m a relationship kind of guy.
I went to San Francisco pride this last weekend and had so much fun. It was such a great weekend, it probably was one of the best weekends of my life. Cliché I know. Fuck it. Now that I’ve come back home, going back to work, and going back to the ever-repetitive mundane routine… It’s such a downer. I was on such a high at pride and I come back to this shit? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love what I do and I love my class I’m taking (German 101) but compared to San Francisco… It just… doesn’t compare.
I met a cute guy up there. Not via Grindr. Not via Jack’d. Not via Hornet or any other gay-catered app. I met him at a club. I know, not too much better. But he was cute. He was sweet and didn’t try and touch my dick or didn’t try and ask me to his house so we can fuck. He was nice and a gentleman, as much as you can be at a gay club in the gay Mecca of the world, the Castro. We danced, we talked, I was enjoying my time with him. We exchanged numbers. He lives up north and I down south so clearly this can’t progress any further as of now, but you know what this experience made me realise?
I want to be in a committed relationship. I really want to be in a committed relationship. It’s one of the worst realisations that you can realise. Cause you can’t just find your soulmate off the street at your will. It doesn’t happen that way. And yet… Here I am, willy nilly hoping that I’ll one day find my soulmate. It’s exhausting hearing the same thing over and over again and trying to convince yourself to believe it. It really is.
So what can a guy do? Hope that my Prince Charming will save the day and we’ll love happily ever after? Fuck the fairy tales. Life is about taking chances with no expectations. Life is about exploring the unknown and taking risks. Life is about seizing the day, trusting in as little as possible in tomorrow. Life is too short to hope for the best. Stop hoping for good things to happen to you. Fucking make your life the best it can be. Go out & make mistakes. Shit happens.