I wanted to talk about my grandma on here. But I’m currently irritated with my dear mother and I know if I talk about my grandma, I’ll get sad. Anger and depression are a bad combination if I have to confront my mother so often.
So instead, I’ll just talk about my adventurous day.
woke up at noon
mom was pissed at me for not waking up sooner
were supposed to go visit my future apartment and meet the tenants but since she was pissed at me, she said “are you crazy?” in an enraged tone when I asked her “do you want to go now?”
an hour later, she stormed out of the house ranting about how I was irresponsible and didn’t do anything she told me to do. (Might I mention that she told me to sell her books for her online. Why can’t she sell them herself? Because she’s a lazy ass who can’t navigate her way around a computer. Time to learn mother.)
After she left, I went to the park with my dog and sat there for about an hour and a half.
Went to the bank to deposit her check she gave me for $500. Ha, what now bitch.
Came home, she still wasn’t home.
5 minutes after I got home, she got home. Shit a brick and fuck me with it.
Been in my room since, cleaning the shit out of it.
Also, doing those things my mom told me to do. i.e. sell her books, clean my room, take care of other business I’d rather not disclose to the internet.
Hungry, but don’t know how to go downstairs and say “i’m going out to buy food” without confronting her.
As you can tell, I had a bad day. Moms bug the fuck out of me. I wish I had a mom that didn’t show her affection in twisted ways.
I like to update my facebook bio every so often. And I’m so much more proud of this one than the previous one. I thought I’d share with you how I’m feeling at this moment and a short summary that describes me.
I try to say what I mean and mean what I say. But sometimes what I say isn’t what I mean and what I mean is left unsaid.
I am whoever I want to be. I will do whatever I want to do. Regardless of what people think of me, I am who I am. I don’t let others’ opinions affect me because I am strong enough to know the real me. I am strong enough to know that those who care don’t deserve my attention. I have many friends I care about but only a few who care about me as much as I care about them. Those are the ones that I will take with me on my journey that is life.
So I was reminiscing through my old tumblr posts. The ones that talked about how I was in this rut with alan.
(I mentioned previously in this blog that I only capitalize names if they’re important to me or deserve to be capitalized. It’s just a silly thing I do.)
I was reading what I had posted about our fallout. I wrote that he didn’t want to be friends with me because someone questioned his sexuality because I was his best friend.
I ended up forgiving him. He still never said the real reason why he didn’t get in contact with me for over 3 weeks. I guess I just hoped that our friendship could work out. But there’s nothing there anymore.
It’s the problem with the guys in that group. I love the girls. But the guys just suck. Such guys. *sigh*
Anyways, I don’t know why I still kind of keep in contact with him. We had a good time while we were friends but he’s made more friends. Friends that are douches. You know what, that’s his choice. I am not a druggie, nor do I drink. But apparently, his new friends have some influence on him and he’s just not strong enough to realize that what he did was stupid.
I will never go out with a druggie or an alcoholic. If you are, fuck off.
He doesn’t drink or do drugs on a regular basis. The point is, I have made new friends. Friends that are better for me. I’m letting go of the past and I’m moving on with my life.
It was nice while it lasted but fuck you. Fuck you for not talking to me for 3 weeks. Fuck you for doing so because aaron sengoba, yeah I’m going to say your fucking name because you are such a jerk, an ignorant, asshole that clearly doesn’t care about anyone but himself, a pompous mother fucker that thinks of himself so highly, asked you if you were gay because you spend so much time with me. I know he wasn’t the only one who asked you, but he’s the only name I know of.
So fuck both of you. Fuck you aaron because you, and people like your homophobic ass, caused all this. And fuck you alan because you were, and probably still are, weak enough to let it affect you. To let people influence you so fucking easily.
Sorry to all my friends that read this that know him and care about him. Old feelings are resurfacing and I just can’t deal with an ignorant, homophobic asshole like him. I will not be friends with such a dick. He was my best friend for 4 years and he was willing to throw that away because people began to question his sexuality.
If that happened to you, you would do the same. So don’t judge me. I have a right to be fucking pissed at him.
Just finished watching it and now, I am about to watch the season 4 finale episode. I cannot wait to watch this. So much happens, the season finales of this series are always keeping people on the edges of their seats.
Dear all members of the household, it would greatly be appreciated if I am no bothered for the next 51 minutes and 18 seconds.
Such an intense end to a great season. I need to watch the last 2 episodes now. It’s only midnight, I have lots of time to finish up the season. Then gonna get season 5 and starting that probably after Christmas. What an amazing season!
And I’ll probably read more of a book I’m reading after the last two episode. Great night, but shitty day.
I just watched Season 4 Episode 9 of Dexter and GOD, that got my heart racing! It was actually pretty intense! I was like screaming “OH NOOOO!!!” and “AHHH!!” and “OH MY GOD!!!” in my room like a little freak.
But damn, that was an intense episode. I can only imagine what will happen in the next.
Btw, this isn’t a spoiler, but rather a comment to the people who watch the show and know what it’s about. It’s the episode with Jonah (the super hot kid of Trinity), and the episode where he breaks the urn with Vera’s ashes. That episode. Hot.
This is a picture of Brandon Eaton, who plays the hot Jonah in Dexter.
I’m at my school right now. It’s currently 1:37am and I’ve been here since 7:45am the morning before. So I’ve been here for about 18 hours. I think. It’s late and I’m super tired and all I’ve had today was Chipotle for dinner about 8 hours ago. So excuse me if I miscalculate the time from 7:45am to 1:37am.
Oh people just came by in a wagon and gave me a goody bag! It has a Capri Sun in it, crackers and a Nature Valley granola bar. This is definitely one of the 3 benefits of staying here so late. The 2nd being that I study and do relatively well no my finals. The 3rd being that I don’t have to see my mom for another day. She and I got in a fight last night so I just don’t want to talk to her.
Anyways, I’m eating the crackers I just received and I am quite satisfied. Definitely something I needed.
I am super freaking tired and I can’t even focus. I haven’t been able to focus for the past 2 hours actually. I’ve been at school for way too long. Studying. For finals. I have a final in 5 hours. I have another final in 7 hours. After that, I’ll be done with the semester. But for now, I need to study some more. I can’t do this no more. I am slowly losing my sanity along with my ability to focus on my studies. Along with many other things actually.
The fact I got food did make this night a tiny bit better.
I don’t get it. It’s those days after you break up that are the most difficult to deal with. But that’s okay. As with the growth that happens in the spring, there must first be temestuous storms, gusts of winds, and lots of rain before things begin to bud again.