Nothing like a good argument to lighten the mood. (insert sarcasm here)
My best friend broke up with this guy. Obviously, she told me everything. He can’t expect me to not know anything about the issue. He’s not backing off and still wants to be friends. She doesn’t want to be friends with him.
I’m trying to explain it to him as calmly as I can and as least offensive as I can. He starts to question our friendship. Do not fucking turn this on me.
I am standing my ground and am not afraid to tell him how it is. Yes, there are things I don’t like about you. Those are not reasons for us to not be friends so don’t go fucking assuming things and judging my ass because you are not my priority. I have more important people to care about I’m sorry you can’t understand that.
Once you turn it on me, there is no going back. I will shut you down. I will tear you apart. I will make you regret it and I will make you apologize. I have done nothing wrong.
I’ve got a confession to make. Tumblr may not be the best place to confide in but I will anyways.
First things first, for the purposes of security, I will give the boy I’m seeing another name. I’m going to call him ET. Just because.
Confession time I guess. So I’ve been seeing this guy for a week now but I’ve known him for months. Before we actually decided to go out, this guy was all talk. He was saying things so openly and freely and he didn’t sound nervous about this at all. I was his first kiss and if we’re at that point his first boyfriend. You would think he would be nervous. But that’s because he had the chance to hide behind technology, like how every friendship develops with my generation.
He was all talk. I try to mean what I say and say what I mean. However true this may be, not all words fit to their meaning. Sometimes what is said is not what is meant and what is meant is left unsaid.
So I try to show what I mean.
I hold his hand.
I hug him.
I kiss him.
He never initiates any of the hand holding or the hugs or the kisses. I’m sure you know what I mean when I say that it would be a nice change for him to take the initiative. It’s always me.
That being said, it’s obvious that he’s all talk and no show. However it’s because I’m his first anything. He’s opened up to me through texting but he needs time to open up to me when we’re face to face. I understand that he needs time. I’m a tad impatient. So it’s hard for me to wait for him to feel comfortable with me, in person at least.
But because of my dear friend Erica, she’s made me realize that although it seems that he might not physically care, I know that he does and that when he does open up, it’ll all be worth it in the end.
It’s one of those moments where I feel I need to write something. Not because I feel I have to but because I want to and I’m just in one of those writing moods that doesn’t come too often unfortunately.
Today was a pretty nice day. Well more like it was a nice evening. During the day I did nothing exciting but have my mom talk to me while I’m on the computer only to have her fall asleep lying sideways on my tiny twin-sized bed.
I went to see Harry Potter finally tonight. Now if you know me well enough, I’m not a cocky person. Or if I say something that sounds pompous, it’s only because I’m joking. I don’t have a problem with my body at all. I mean there can be improvements: abs, legs, arms, the list goes on. But I mean in terms of muscle. There’s nothing about my body that I hate. That being said, while preparing to go out tonight, I saw myself in the mirror with a tank top on (yeah, I wear a tank top. Only cos I wanted to wear an extra layer… and I like the way it looks on me), and I was like “damn.” Cos I thought I looked good. At least my body did, I guess it’s because of the tight-fitting tank top I was wearing, but I liked my body. I don’t have too buff arms or 6-pack abs and I like it that way (though I could do with the abs).
Muscles aside, I had a great night! We went to Red Robins for dinner and it was nice catching up with my girlfriends! I never say “girlfriends” but I found it fitting. It was a great meal and of course, someone had to make a fool of herself by dropping her cards and cash while getting up to leave. Nothing but a normal day with Briana.
We went and watched Harry Potter and I thought it was good. I mean, I wish there was a bit more dueling going on but it was good. I haven’t read the books because I never was that much of a fan. Seeing different scenes on the screen than in their mind made my friends a tad disappointed.
After the movie, we met up with other friends at Donut star. To be quite honest, I felt way more comfortable when I was just with my girlfriends. When the guys showed up, I just had no interest in talking with them. Why? Because when I’m with the girls, I feel like I can just be myself and no one will judge me. But simply the fact that I am a guy, merely talking with the guys makes me feel like they’re expecting me to be “cool” and “chill” and “straight-acting” whatever the fuck that means even though I know that they don’t care. At least that’s the case with one of them.
So I’m glad that Briana had to go. Not because she was going to leave but because I was going with her. I wanted to leave. I just wanted to go home to the comfortable haven, at times confinement, in which I call my room. To the tiny twin-sized bed that I love to sleep in more than ever because the guy I’m seeing, Eric, lied down in that bed. To my computer in which I can hide behind and refrain from actually seeing the faces that I love so dearly (Insert sarcasm here).
To my room in which I can simply be myself. Why do I come home so late sometimes? Because my parents are asleep. I love them dearly believe me, but you know how it is. Parents can be so irritating when showing their love for us that it drives me insane! So I come home late to avoid talking to them. Which is one of my main driving forces for me to get the fuck out of this house and live on my own (with a roommate of course).
For the past couple weeks or so, I’ve been listening to a song that I recently discovered called Hold My Heart by Sara Bareilles. It’s a beautiful song. The meaning for the song fit at the time, before I met Eric. But now that I’ve been seeing him, I’ve changed that song that I keep on repeat, that song I listen to while I begin to fall asleep. I’ve changed that song to Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. I’ve known this song for some time now but It feels so fitting now. There’s actually someone I actually think of and don’t feel so alone.
"And I lie awake and miss you. Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly but I’ll miss your arms around me. The silence isn’t so bad till I look at my hands and feel sad, cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly."
Who’d ever think that I would be able to apply these lyrics to my own life? You know, a couple days ago, Eric text me “I miss how perfectly your fingers fit in between mine.”
My life is just great. Everything is going the way it’s supposed to be and I am fucking loving it.
I went on a date with this sweet sweet guy last Friday and it was an amazing time. We are seeing each other in 7 hours and he’s gonna come to my house and we’re gonna take a nap together. Nothing more than a nap is intended. But you know, que sera, sera.
I have this whole week off because my school is awesome like that and everyone else I know has at least 2 - 3 days of school.
My friend is become more than a friend and it’s just lovely.
Get an apartment on my own for about $900 and have my privacy? The utilities are all paid for. I’ll have my own place!
Or do I get an apartment with someone whom I don’t know too well but seems like a cool person and share a room with this guy and not have any privacy at all for $500 per month? And there’s a third roommate who gets the other bedroom.
I want my own privacy but I don’t want to pay so much… But my own privacy! If I’m going to have a guy over I need to have my own place.
That’s it. I’m going to try and get my own place! Thanks guys you all are so helpful! Thanks so much!
However if there are none available then there’s nothing I can do…
I picked up Zania today to have lunch with her. We ended up going to a food court at a local shopping center and after we met up with Briana at Chapman University. We really didn’t have anything planned for the day and somehow we ended up passing the time without too much sitting around.
We got yogurt, and drove around Orange and ended up at my school, Cal State Fullerton. We played pool for a bit and table tennis for a while. It was an awesome night.
We went to Sonic for dinner and it was so much fun. For some reason, we were acting really childish and immature (but not in a stupid way) and it was loads of fun. Definitely entertaining.
I really miss these guys and how close I really am with them. We get each other and we connect and I feel like we’re on the same level. I was being really bitchy towards Briana especially today but that’s only because I know she wouldn’t really take it to heart. Briana and I have similar taste in guys. It’s pretty awesome.
I wish that we were able to hang out more often but school has taken a big part of our time so planning an event with each other isn’t as easy as it sounds. However next Wednesday on the 24th, we’re gonna go see Harry Potter 7. We’re not crazy kids so we don’t go to the midnight showing of the movie. But that’s cool because I’ll be seeing it with friends from all over Southern California and it’ll be an amazing day I’m sure.
And by older, I mean a couple years. A lot of the guys my age are really immature, at least they seem so to me. I’m 18. Sure I may look like I’m younger but I act much older than I really am.
I’ve been through some shit that has just made me mature a lot in the past year or two. And I’m glad it happened because I like being mature, or so I think.
But I’m actually going on a date this Friday. With a guy. My own age. So he’s 18 as well. Actually, he just turned 18 less than a week ago, 6 days to be exact. Sometimes he may act immature but he’s really sweet and kind and I like him so that’s all that matters right? I’m gonna give this a chance and see if it’ll work out. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I’m just gonna go with the flow and not think about it.
But needless to say, I’m looking forward to this Friday :)
From my own experience, I cannot stress how important it is to believe in yourself and to take advantage of the opportunity.
Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.
"Seize the day, trusting in as little as possible in tomorrow." I can honestly and openly say that this is how I life my life. When I see something I want, depending what it is, I will go for it! If it’s a guy, obviously I won’t do anything all in one day but I will try and get what I want. I will slowly start talking to him and be the best person I can be and hopefully win him with my charm :P
Some people are afraid of “What if’s” or “but’s.” Instead of saying “What if” I say “fuck yeah!” I won’t really consider what if but rather just think of what will happen if I go for it.
The only thing to fear is fear itself. What’s the point of living life if you’re always holding yourself back from what you want in fear that you might disappoint yourself? It’s your life. Do what you want. Life’s to short for What If’s.
So that guy I wanted to message? I messaged him. And it was the best thing that happened to me in a while.
Just getting to know him made me so happy. We talked for hours. School, where we came from, what we wanna do, etc. For about the first hour I could not stop smiling. It was a great night.
I’m so glad I messaged him b/c I got to know him better. Actually talk to him rather than stalk him from a distance. Now I get to find out things from himself rather than his friends or his Facebook wall.
There’s this guy I wanted to talk to. I’ve never really talked to him before. Every time I sign on, I check to see if he’s online. But I never do anything. I just want to see if he’s there.
Recently, I told myself that I would message him the next time I see him online. Not even 10 minutes ago, I check to see if he’s online and what do you know, he is. So I sit in my chair for a few minutes and decide I need to prepare for this conversation to last a while. So I go use the bathroom.
Not even one minute after I leave my seat, I get back and as I am literally about to message him, he’s gone. Just like that.